If you don’t already know, nothing strikes horror in me as much as a spider. I absolutely detest these creatures, and I’m convinced they are out to get me. We’ve had a long, hated relationship. Here’s what’s happened recently. You decide if I’m crazy or not.

Recently, a spider appeared on my car door. I attempted to smash it with my foot, but I missed. Since I was running late, I just opted for the second car and left the thing alone, hoping it would be grateful and disappear. Fast forward a couple weeks later. I’m driving Tween to his basketball game on a dark, winding road. As I pass under a streetlight, I detect movement out of the corner of my eye. I pass under a second streetlamp, and there it is – the unmistakeable shape of a spider crawling up the windshield toward my head!

I swerve into the nearest driveway and screech to a halt. Tween is alarmed and is wondering why I’ve stopped so suddenly and lept out of the car. He leaps out too. I’m cursing and cringing and trying to figure out how to get this nuisance out of my car. Tween calmly suggests I use my shoe. What a great idea! However, now I can’t find it! I panic. Upon further inspection, I find it trying to escape via the ceiling where it is camouflaged, but its movement gives it away.

I bat at it with shoe only to knock it down on the console. Another smack and it’s smeared all over the console. Ewwwwww! It takes a few minutes of deep breathing before I can force myself back into the car to finish our journey to the basketball game. As soon as I sit down and start the car, James calls wondering if I’d made it to the game yet. Ha! I had to explain I just thwarted another surprise attack from a spider. I swear it was a huge Brown Recluse.

Two weeks after that, I find another spider trying to hide itself on my car door. This time, I release it unharmed. A few days later, a Wolf Spider unsuccessfully attempts its escape after I spotted it darting across my kitchen floor. Ugggh!

After all this, I’m beginning to feel singled out. I believe in letting them live as long as they stay outside and eat all the mosquitos they desire. Cross my threshold though, and it’s Splattsville. Spiders don’t read do they?